Faith, Real Talk

My Faith is NOT Unwavering

My faith is NOT unwavering. There, I said it.

Four years ago I was a full blown atheist who thought believers were either a) lying about believing or b) dumb as rocks. What does that have to do with my faith? ALOT. I was a non-believer for so long that I still have moments when my brain (or more accurately, my pride) tries to interrupt my walk with Christ.

Sometimes I’ll be minding my own business, elbow deep in a sink full of dirty dishes, when the following thought hits me out of nowhere: “What if there is just NOTHINGNESS after this life. No heaven, no hell, just NOTHING.”

Sometimes I sit with that thought for a few seconds, sometimes I shove it away immediately, always I send up a prayer to our Lord. I ask Him to forgive my brain—it has a mind of its own. I ask Him to increase my faith. I thank Him for loving me JUST as I am.

He loves me despite the mess and gunk and sneaky doubting thoughts. Our God is all powerful, all loving and all KNOWING. I, on the other hand, am NOT all knowing (something I need to remind myself daily).

Maybe one day I’ll have unwavering faith. Maybe not. Either way, I will continue to show up for Him because He is God whether my brain gets it or not and He loves me—all of me. The GREAT news is this: God is God no matter what lies your pride tries to sneak in while you’re washing the dishes.

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