Why social media (and especially lifestyle blogs) are a big, fat lie. I found myself feeling really, really envious and decided.... (read more at dianadivulges.com a REAL blog for REAL people)
Real Talk

Why Lifestyle Blogs Are A Lie

You all know I speak long and hard about my weaknesses. My biggest issue (and the meat of this blog) is comparing my crappy self to my best self. I struggle when my actions are less than perfect. I hate when all of the things I have going on inside, like my thoughts, my prayer life and my feelings, are all out of whack . Outer appearance is usually the least of my worries. Until now.

I’ve heard some of my more honest friends say that social media makes them envious. They see how cute that mom dresses, how fun she is, how she does crafts with her children, how they take vacations. They see all of those bright and happy pictures and it makes them feel like they aren’t good, fun, fit or fashionable enough.

Juice-box-mess.jpg
If I had a lifestyle blog, this is what my pictures would look like. Juice boxes, beer and clutter. All dang day.

I never really related to that. I got off of Facebook because it consumed me, not because I wanted to be more like anyone. Lately, though, I have been beating myself up for not being the exact opposite of everything I am.

I am outgoing and opinionated and my main goal in life is making other women (specifically mothers) feel like they are normal and good enough. I want women to know that everyone feels what they feel and thinks what they think, most people just don’t say it. I say it because I want people to feel included. I want my friends to think I’m nothing spectacular. I want to be relatable. The heart behind this blog (and my entire life motto) is exactly contradictory to what a “lifestyle blog” is. So why am I scrolling these bloggers’ pages and wanting to be them?

Whose “Lifestyle” Is This?!

I’m so sorry if this is news to you people, but lifestyle blogs are just not relatable. I do not relate, at least.  And recently, I find myself jealous that I’m not these people whom I do not relate to and who I don’t even really want to be. Makes complete sense, right?

I have absolutely nothing against lifestyle blogs or the people who write them, but I just need to know who in the HELL’S lifestyles these are? I mean, why are they called lifestyle? Why can’t they be called highlight blogs? That’s what they are. Highlights. No one’s “lifestyle” is walking the streets downtown in a perfect outfit with perfect hair and makeup. Stop. Maybe you do that here and there (I mean, I don’t, but maybe some people do) but that’s not your lifestyle.

That’s your highlight. That’s the peak of your day. That photo session you just had is the shiny part of you. And, I’m so glad that you’re sharing the shiny part. The shiny part is so fun to look at, and we thank you. We get makeup tips and outfit ideas and links to buy clothes so we can be shiny sometimes too.Whose Lifestyles are these? Who are these people who spend their lives getting photographed downtown drinking coffee laughing to themselves? Why do I forget that the picture of you looking all perfect and shiny is only a highlight? (entire article available at dianadivulges.com an HONEST blog for REAL women)

You know where this gets all messed up? I mistake the shiny part of you for ALL of you, and we both know it’s not, right? When I see you and your shiny smile and your perfect fitting jeans I beat myself up. I beat myself up because I am rarely the shiny me. I have a baby who sucks liquid out of my chest. There’s nothing shiny about that.

I am packing lunches and wiping snot and doing homework and shuffling kids to and from soccer. And, you know what? I’m usually doing all of that in poor-fitting clothes I bought at WalMart.

My friends told me that social media created this envy and I never really experienced it until now.  So, here I am wondering how I can fix this. And where it came from. And when it’s going to leave. Envy isn’t good. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. Deadly sins: that junk sounds serious. I don’t want to be scrolling myself into one of the deadly sins. Do I have to delete instagram now? Unfollow all the shiny people? What’s the answer? How do you beat envy?

I’ve prayed and apologized because how freaking selfish and ungrateful am I being? I’m spending valuable time and energy on wishing I was like someone else. Someone else that (here’s the kicker) DOES NOT EVEN EXIST. The women that I see and want to be are just shiny wax figures. They are the wax figures of their real self. Their real selves get bloated and have fingernail polish chip just like the rest of us.

What To Do About Envy

What is the answer here? I do not know. Maybe the Holy Spirit is making me aware that social media isn’t good for me (I’m talking me, specifically).  Like I said, I don’t know the answer because this is a real blog. A blog that a real, honest, flawed human being writes. I cannot tie this one up in a bow because I haven’t figured out how to yet. I have no link. I have no fancy photographer to credit. I have only me, baring my soul, thinking out loud and probably over sharing because what else is new?

And, now, here is a real question, not a question to incite participation, not a question to get more viewers, just an actual human being question: How do you people deal with this? Or do you even deal with it? Has anyone found a tip or trick that keeps envy at bay? I’m seriously looking for some advice!


Want to read more on this topic?

  • Here is a post I wrote (shortly after this one) about what you can do with that envy.

8 thoughts on “Why Lifestyle Blogs Are A Lie”

  1. It’s so easy to feel inferior. I do it to myself ALL the time. I’m not as thin and fit as I should be, because I stay at home with my kids I should have time for that right?! I don’t dress cute, back to the whole not thin enough thing, I wear what I feel comfortable in and that’s usually not what’s fashionable. I don’t have an ‘important’ job other than ya know raising 3 kids. I don’t have ALL the patience like a good mother should. But when I let these thoughts creep in and take over and take me away from actually being a good mother & wife I try to remember that people love me. And there’s a reason they do. My husband loves me because we’ve grown up together and built a life as a team. He loved me when I was thin and fit and he loves me know that my body is irreversibly ‘different’ after having his 3 kids. He loves me because I’m smart, I’m kind, I try hard to take care of him and our kids the best I can. My kids love me because I am always there for a hug, To provide their meals, to kiss their booboos, to wash their hair and tuck them in. I have redeeming qualities…but it is so so easy to forget sometimes when the outside world seems to have it ALL together while my day consists of surviving sometimes! Thanks for being a real ‘lifestyle’ blogger for people here in the real world!! 💗💗💙

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    1. You so rock. You seem to have it all together, just so you know. You always seem kind and relatable and approachable and friendly. I couldn’t even imagine you ever being in a bad mood. I’m sure that’s now what you feel about yourself, but it’s what others see! Thank you for reading and commenting. This is the type of stuff that keeps me sharing my crazy thoughts!

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      1. Awww I’m just seeing this comment! After rereading this post, lol, because it’s nap time and I have some quiet time to read my favorite blog!! 😆 It’s funny how people perceive you and how your perception of yourself differs, isn’t it?! Because I surely don’t feel like I have it all together most of the time. But hey… we all do the best we can. And I’m sure Matt (& our kids) would disagree with me never being in a bad mood 😂😂

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  2. Honestly I don’t think you can ever not have a small case of it. Or atleast I haven’t been able to get rid of it completely. lol for me, it’s not so much envy of others being a certain way but more of me beating myself up about not being the best me. It’s the days I think of that time i was able to finally have that shiny moment and want to be that woman all the time. But then I have to remind myself that during that shiny moment there were still flaws i just made it a point to live in the moment and not focus on them so I could enjoy it. People post stuff all the time (blogs, fb posts/pics, etc) that make me question if I should be doing it too to make it “official”…. Like am I not a good mom because I don’t feel the need to share every single proud moment of my kids on social media? Or not have a happy home because I’m not sharing pics of date nights with my husband? Then I have to remind myself, the proud moments/happy memories happen right in front of me every day and I need to soak them in….in real time!! Not stop and worry that I need to post this to share with the world. Those are my moments and are for me and my people alone. I shouldn’t need validation of how many likes it gets. I think we get bogged down with trying to be this person that doesn’t exist because that’s what other people do. We want to be “normal” or like the “cool kids” lol
    I def think the Holy Spirit put it on your heart for a reason. who you are is worth so much more than the “highlights” of someone else’s life. They are busy telling you about their highlights and fake lifestyle and you are out enjoying living yours. They are the ones envying you 🙂 so no need to feel like you need to fit their mold.

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    1. “finally have that shiny moment and want to be that woman all the time” yes! I struggle with that too. I love that you recognize that some parts (most?) of family life is sacred and special and that they don’t need social media validation to be more real. That is definitely something I struggle with. You rock. Thank you for taking the time to comment. You have no idea what that means!

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  3. Great read, Diana! Very well said. It’s amazing how everyone finds someone who makes them feel less than. For me it’s personal finance blogs 🙈 and mom blogs because I turned thirty this year and haven’t made that happen for myself yet. My goal with my fashion and lifestyle blog is never to make anyone feel inferior. Style is something that comes effortlessly to me, so I share in the hope that I can help someone it doesn’t come as easily for add to their life in the small way that feeling good about how you look does. I beat blog/social media envy by reminding myself that they’re putting it out there so I can learn from their strengths, but I also have strengths to share with others. 🤗

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    1. Glad you liked it! You pointed out something that I think is true of MOST lifestyle bloggers: they aren’t trying to make anyone feel inferior, I think that’s important (and helpful) to understand for sure! I’m working on cultivating gratitude for their gifts instead of bashing myself for not having their gifts.

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