Pregnancy

It Took Me Four Times….

As I enter the 38th week of my fourth pregnancy, I realize that I’m just now actually getting that this whole pregnancy thing can be an enjoyable experience. I’m actually enjoying being this pregnant. I’m actually taking the time to lay in bed and feel this baby move and soak it all in. I don’t know what changed or what shifted, but I am not manic about getting this baby out. This baby is free to stay as long as it wishes and I am happy to host it. Truly.

I am usually the woman shoving Evening Primrose Oil capsules up her ladybits and walking and eating pineapple and doing the baby dance like crazy in an effort to evict the alien draining all my energy and making me miserable, but not this time. This time I lay in bed and feel this baby move and have little conversations with her (or him) about how they can come when they are ready. I tell her I am in no rush. I tell her I love her and cannot wait to meet her.

And, this is a nice change. And, I think it’s because I’m growing up a little bit, y’all. I think I’m growing up and realizing just how quickly one day passes to the next and the next week becomes the next month and before you had a chance to notice what was even happening your newborn is now 2 years old and your first baby is now entering 1st grade.

Everyone says it. You’ve said. You’ve heard it. It’s just the thing we say: “it goes by SO fast.” But, we say it because it’s true. We say it because just yesterday we were in college and now we are mamas who are responsible for actual human beings and WHO EVEN THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?

I am in a season of amazement at how quickly life changes, how fast things turn, how quickly children grow. One minute your life is blissful and the next your life is hard–and vice versa. We’re not really living this life if we’re always looking forward to the “next” thing or looking back at that one time. Right now, right here, today, this second is what we’ve got. It’s a holy gift from God and it’s all we are promised for sure. And you don’t know (and I don’t know) what the next moment may bring. And it would be a real shame to turn around and wish you had known what you had when you had it. So, open your eyes and enjoy this moment. Even if this moment might be hard. Even if this moment might suck really bad, because, honestly this moment is all you’re promised and regardless of whatever you’re struggling with, there is SOMETHING (no matter how small) to be grateful for in this very moment.

And, on that note, I will go into my closet and try to find some clothing to cover my 180 lb pregnant body. (I’ve reached the point where even my husband’s clothes don’t fit.) I will get my children dressed and I will go out into the world and enjoy it even though it’s raining like crazy because it’s what I’ve got in this very moment, and today,  I’ll take it!

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