***Disclaimer: this is one of the (many) posts I talk about here that make me cringe. Thank goodness for growth. You live and you learn!***
I’ve joked before that “if you’re not at least 50% more hippie after becoming a mom, you’re doing it wrong.” I was joking (kind of?) cause who am I to say that YOU are mothering wrongly? I mean, me and my husband critically analyze everyone’s parenting style like the parenting professionals we are not. We’ve probably talked about your parenting style behind your back. It’s a testament to how cool and fun our lives are “did you see how x handled that situation?”. We’re definitely judgey parents, but we’re judgey in secret (only with one another). So, that makes us not annoying, right?
Marvin and I are more hippie than we were before children. I guess? We weren’t real hippie (at all) to begin with, so it was an “improvement”. For all the non-parents wondering what in the heck I mean by “more hippie”, I guess I just mean going against the norm. Actually taking the time to research things like vaccines or cloth diapers or breastfeeding or the chemicals in every-flipping-thing. Being a conscious parent (aka not just doing what “they” –the professionals– tell you to do). Striving to give your child a natural, healthy start. As an example, I mean those people who grew up being all “spare the rod, spoil the child” and, after having children themselves, are all “spanking is unnecessary” and they research gentler methods of discipline. (Please don’t think this is an attack on spanking; I just used spanking as an example. I’m not looking to debate discipline styles. Do what works for you!) Basically the test is: if your family doesn’t think you’re at least a LITTLE weird as a mother then you’re probably not hippie-ish. If your family hasn’t felt the need to have an intervention about how you’re teaching your 2 month old to cry by picking them up or holding them all the time, then you’re probably not weird like me. And, that’s ok! I mean, Marvin and I will talk about you behind your back, but our lives are boring and that’s all we’ve got.
In the spirit of weirdness, Marvin and I are taking a birthing class. Which is weird because we’ve already been through birthing once. But, I want to do it naturally this time. I want to trust my body to produce a baby. The first go round I was SO nervous about all the what ifs that I mostly just listened to what my (wonderful) OB said. I grew up with a Dad who would anonymously talk about his cases. Knowing what an ectopic pregnancy is at age 10 is not normal practice, I don’t think? Anyway, couple that with parents who had a child born with a neural tube defect and you end up with an over-educated and scared little momma-to-be.
So, we’re taking a Bradley Method class. We’re hoping it’ll give us some tools to use during labor. We’re on class 3 (of 12) now and it’s already been really beneficial. Who knows, maybe Marvin won’t be forced to fake sleep through this labor. Ha!
Anyway, it’s weird how labor and delivery is handled, right? I don’t know if it’s just in Louisiana or what, but it’s really started to annoy me. I’m not judgey about birth (not even in private to my husband), handle your birth however in the heck you want! But, I don’t get why the natural approach is received with so much hesitation (if received at all). I mean, I KIND OF get it. I saw the malpractice stresses on my Dad and how they affected his life. The fear of being sued pushes doctors to try to manipulate the experience. I guess they think if they just cut you open and take the baby out, they can control how things go and reduce the likelihood of getting sued? Doctors kind of have to handle care from a fear standpoint. My Dad used to say his job was the best job in the world, he got to help bring life into the world. But then, you have people suing you left and right and you are now fearful of your patients. You basically handle their care covering your butt the whole time. I mean, I get it! Doctors have families and this is their job. Who wants to go to work every day scared that someone will sue them? It’s not fun, I imagine.
My doctor thinks I’m weird. I mean, he has never told me that he thinks I’m crazy, but I know he does. Some of the questions I ask him throw him for a loop, and that says a lot when he does this everyday and has, like, a billion patients. I’m not scared to ask this man anything. I mean, I took my glucose tolerance test with jelly beans (instead of the drink most people take). He probably has a gold star on my chart that means “difficult patient”. I imagine most of his patients let him call the shots, and that’s just not my style. I am a questioner. He doesn’t have some super human quality because he is a medical professional. To me, he is a man that is helping me along. He isn’t all knowing and he isn’t always right. I value his opinion, of course, or I wouldn’t be seeing him. My arrogance (I realize that it’s arrogant; I just don’t care) doesn’t extend to every profession. If I bring my car into a shop and they tell me the transmission is ruined, I’ll just blindly believe them. I don’t know anything about cars. If I go to see a lawyer and they tell me that I don’t have a case, I’ll just blindly believe them. I don’t know anything about law. But, I know my stuff when it comes to medicine. I’m not saying I’m all knowing about medicine. That would be silly. I have a degree in Journalism. But, you know what? I have a good amount of faith in myself when it comes to medical issues. And I don’t have a problem going against protocol or asking questions that rock the boat. I mean, this is mine and my family’s health we are talking about here. I need to take responsibility in it.
Anyway, at my next appointment I’m going to throw all my labor wishes (which go against protocol) on my OB. I’m hoping he’ll receive them openly. I’ll give details of my weird labor wishes and how he received them on my next post. He’s taken everything else I’ve thrown at him in stride. I know that most of his patients are “ok with planning things” (his words). And, so, I know that I’m his pain in the butt patient. I’m ok with that.