Pregnancy, Real Talk

Part Three: You Need a Groomer

You’ll need help shaving…..down there.  Yeah, I said it.  Now, I don’t know your grooming preferences, but if you do any sort of “down there” maintenance you’re going to need help. This DEFINITELY was not in the pregnancy book.

Why?  Why will you need help?  Well, because there will come a point in time that you will no longer be able to see your lady bits over/around your belly.  No amount of bending or angles will help you.  You’ll need another human being to scope out the situation, and it will be a situation

What do I mean by ‘help’?  I mean you’ll have to stand while someone bends down and shaves you.  Accept it. 

I know someone out there is thinking “wait, no….I’m SURE I’ll be able to do it myself.”  You’re probably the SAME person who won’t get fat when you get pregnant either.  Wink wink.  Trust me.  I am very flexible.  My belly was actually relatively small in my first pregnancy, and yet my husband had to help me.  I mean COULD I have done it myself?  I guess.  But, I would’ve probably put myself into labor trying and ended up with the ugliest patch work you’ve ever seen.

Your balance is already off when you’re pregnant and for pregnant-shaving there needs to be a mirror involved and a leg raised high and a head bending down.  You could fall.  You will hurt your back (more than it already hurts) and you could very likely slice a piece of your lady bits off.  Even if you manage to do it yourself (there’s no way) you will have the craziest looking arrangement going on down there after. There’s no way you’ll do a good job. 

I would hope that you feel comfortable asking your husband for help. Please remember that this is YOUR HUSBAND. That means he’s the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.  You are aware of what “the rest of your life” will entail, right? The good, the bad, the ugly. You picked this man to be your life partner. Life ain’t always pretty!

Now, let’s deviate a little.  There are women who have to wait until their husband leaves the house to use the bathroom.  (Hello stomach ache!)  These women have NEVER passed gas in front of their husband.  They’re the SAME women who are all “stay by my head during labor, I don’t want you to see ‘down there'”.  I do not understand these women.  I just don’t get it.  I find that exhausting.  Having to hold things back and watch what you do in front of the man who is going to be there EVERY DAY for the rest of your life.  It gives me anxiety just thinking about it.  

During labor, my doctor had to ask Marvin to move his head so he could see what was going on. Not really, but you get the point. Marvin watched everything happen. He didn’t stay by my head, because his DAUGHTER was being BORN and he wanted to see.  If what he saw was disturbing or gross, he surely didn’t let on. He had a smile from ear to ear. He was cheering for me to push and telling me “she’s riiiiiiiight there, I can see her hair, you’re doing great.” His excitement is what made pushing so easy.

If your husband wants to stay by your head because he is squeamish, then you get a pass. But, if you want your husband to stay by your head because you don’t want him to “see”…..I do not understand you.  You do remember how you got pregnant in the first place, right? 

2 thoughts on “Part Three: You Need a Groomer”

  1. LOL I love the part about letting your husband look down there. I certainly did not, and my husband is a doctor and has seen things that scare me. I don't know why I felt that way. I just did. The shaving thing is funny too. I somehow managed to do this myself, but I suppose I should have asked for a hand lol. It wasn't easy by any means. Maybe with number three I can hire my hubby as my groomer? I did let him paint my toenails. That's got to count for something. All these pregnancy blogs make me want to get pregnant again!


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