I think it’s time that we take a break from “What to REALLY Expect“. I could sense some non-Mamas were starting to reevaluate their decision to have children one day.
Instead, today I’m going to talk about the three types of moms: The Laid Back Mom, The Typical Mom and the Psycho Mom.
The Laid Back Mom is the mom that lets most things roll off her shoulders. My Sister-in-Law (remember? the freak of nature) is this type of mom. She didn’t stress during her pregnancy. She wasn’t nervous about all the things that could go wrong. She was calm as a cucumber. This woman was 39 weeks pregnant and people would say to her “I bet you’re SO ready”. She’d respond: “Hmm.. not really. I’ve enjoyed my pregnancy thus far. She can come when she’s ready.” (Side note: I never made it to 39 weeks, but if I had I would’ve spent every waking moment googling “GET THE BABY OUT NOW!”).
The Typical Mom has some anxiety and worries, but is able to function like a normal human being. She probably googles things and calls her doctor when she has a worry, but when they reassure her that everything is fine, she trusts them. She watches a “Baby Story” from time to time and shops online for baby clothes. She may have taken a baby class or two.
The Psycho Mom is the mom that is…..plain nuts. She worries about every. single. thing. She is well versed in all the things that COULD go wrong and until her baby is born (and she can that her baby is fine), she trusts no one. This mom watches WAY too much TLC.
As an example, I will tell you the story of the time I had herpes.
When I was pregnant with Elaina, my TV was constantly tuned to TLC. I would watch Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Mystery Diagnosis, Dr. G Medical Examiner etc. (As you can see, I had a very exciting life.)
This particular day, I was snuggled in to watch Dr. G. If you’ve never seen Dr. G, it’s basically a show about a lady (Dr. G) trying to figure out what caused people to (mysteriously) die. Today’s show was about an infant baby. I should’ve immediately changed the channel. I didn’t. I watched intently as they laid out the story. The baby went to bed normally and when the mom woke up the baby had passed away and had scratches all over its face. It was a really, really sad story. I cried and watched waiting to find out what happened. Fast forward to the end: the woman had herpes and didn’t know, she passed herpes to the baby during labor (without knowing) and the baby had contracted Herpes Encephalitis and passed away in its sleep. The scratches? Rats (I know) had climbed up and scratched the baby’s face. This story was devastating–judging from the way they told the story (and the fact that there were rats running rampant) I’m going to guess that this was not the safest, most loving situation to bring a baby into. Nonetheless, I went into panic mode.
I called my doctor immediately.
Me: Hey Shannon, it’s Diana Vallette, I think I have herpes can you test me?
Shannon: Ummm… ok. Tell me what’s going on.
Me: I watched this show on TLC and the mom had herpes and didn’t know and the baby died. I think I had a cold sore a few years ago. It could’ve been a cold sore or it could’ve been from my nervous mouth-biting habit. I’m not sure. I don’t remember. Anyway, I may have herpes.
Shannon: …….Why don’t you come in so you can talk to Dr. Brown?
Me: Ok. Good idea.
I go to the office and tell Dr. Brown about the show I watched and how I think I have herpes now and I want to be tested.
Dr. Brown: Ok… we will test you. But, I think you’re probably fine, Diana.
Me: That mom thought she was fine, too! And then look what happened!!
Dr. Brown: You don’t have rats in your house, Diana. And you don’t have herpes.
Me: We don’t know that!
Dr. Brown: Ok, I will test you. But, you have to promise me you will stop watching TLC.
Shockingly, I ended up not having herpes. Better safe than sorry, I always say!
Can you guess what kind of mom I am? What kind of mom are you/do you think you’ll be?